This post is a reminder for myself.
I have a tendency to think I can change people. To fix them. To solve all their problems. To make their life perfect like mine.
Except that it doesn't work. And of course my life's not perfect, especially after I take on a handful of losers and their problems.
If there's one lesson I've learned the hard way... and I hate to even say it... it's that losers lose. Again and again. Their whole lives. Losers lose. It's a law of the universe. It's sad. It's depressing. It's hard to watch, especially if you care for the person. The reason they're broke, the reason they're unstable, the reason they're struggling, is them. It's not because they didn't meet you sooner.
I know when I say this I sound pessimistic and negative. That's not me at all. I take pride in having the best attitude in the State of California. But there's a danger in seeing the incredible potential in every person and every situation. Imagine an investor who invested in every single opportunity that was presented. It obviously wouldn't work. Investors need to choose where they put their limited resources.
I'm not saying people can't change. I am saying the best indication of how well a person will do in the future is how well they've done in the past. We have extremely limited time and attention and love and money. We need to be extremely careful not to invest them in losers.
The other side of the tortilla is that winners win. Winners win again and again. Winners win in good times. Winners win in bad times. Winners win with good luck. Winners win with bad luck. Winners enjoy the good times. Winners enjoy the tough times. Winners make it look easy. Winners make it look fun. And it is for them. They may need a hand sometimes, but they won't ask you for it. They'll go get a job at a hamburger stand. They'll figure out another way.
You are not the reason the people in your life aren't flying higher.
You can solve their problems, but you can't keep them from finding new ones.
You can change their life, but you can't change who they are.
It's nice to feel needed. But there's a big price to pay for being surrounded by losers. Don't go there. Tell them, "I could help you, but I think what you need most right now is to learn how to solve this on your own."
